Revised Thesis Statement

I am trying to learn how boundaries and thresholds choreograph human movement because I want to find ways to encourage specific human reactions by manipulating boundaries and thresholds. In order to help my reader understand this potential I will take a barrier and exploit its potential as a threshold in order to foster new paths of movement that will unite a city with its waterfront.

OR

I am trying to learn how certain boundaries and thresholds correlate with specific human reactions. I want to find ways to exploit these architectural elements in order to create choreography of movement. I will intercede with the monumental boundary in my site, exploiting its’ potential as a threshold in order to create this choreography of movement for the purpose of uniting a city with its waterfront.